


Shards

by davestriderlosers



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Possible Character Death, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, self-hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davestriderlosers/pseuds/davestriderlosers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New room, new house, new country.<br/>Roxy moves to Scotland with her mother.<br/>Once she's settled down and school starts, Roxy realizes that she doesn't have much control over her own emotions as she thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna put it out there that there might be a major character death in this. I still don't know yet. This is basically just for me to vent so yeah.  
> There's a lot of triggering stuff like self-harm and self-hatred so if you're sensitive to that then please don't read this I want you all to be safe while reading this and not be triggered by something.~

As soon as summer started, you knew things were going to change. A couple weeks before you finished your junior year, your mother told you that you were moving to Scotland. More specifically, you were moving to Glasgow.

You were going to finish school at a _Catholic_ school.

Mother went too far in your passive-aggressive war.

 

* * *

 

 

The last day of school you spent with the very few friends you treasured, all of them sniffling and crying. Eventually, you gave in as well. You received more gifts that day than what you usually get for Christmas.

About two days later, you were on a plane headed to the other side of the world.

 

* * *

 

 

The flight was dreadful, to say the least: a little over 7 hours of just sitting and making idle conversations with your mother. You don’t even know why she didn’t book a flight on a jet. After all, she was rich and famous.

 

* * *

 

 

You always hated the airport process. Waiting for the plane to settle, stepping through the little tunnel, ect.

This time, you knew this was going to be the last time you go through the baggage claim for quite a while.

You both take a taxi to your new house.

Driving on the opposite side of the road after almost 17 years was strange.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Your house was spectacular. It was two stories high just like the one in New York.

“You like it?”

You look up at your mother, shrugging nonchalantly.

“It’s alright, I guess. I still like our old house better.”

“What if I tell you that you get to choose your room?”

“It’s the greatest house I’ve ever seen.”

You choose an upstairs-room with a view of the street. Later that summer, your room would be decorated pink. Your cats would also move in there permanently.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s about a month after you first move in that you start to feel more at home. Your room is as close to your old room as you could possibly manage.

One night, you decide to play some video games. You bought your latest game, Skullgirls, but never had the chance to play it before you moved.

After a couple hours of practicing with each character to get a feel for them, you’re confident enough to play online.

The first couple of people you connect to were, to your dismay, spammers. If there’s one thing you hate about playing online, it’s the constant spam.

Finally, you connect to a decent player. Your matches were pretty intense considering that you started smashing buttons furiously to try and win.

You throw your hands up into the air when you lose, laughing all the while. They obviously had more experience than you did.

You play a couple more matches with them before exchanging contacts: you were tired and it was nearly 5 in the morning.

After all, if you find someone that’s good at playing, you should keep in contact with them.

 

You never knew that this would be the turning point in your life.


	2. Meetings

You haven’t been playing online for a while.

You’ve been thinking that maybe you should get a feel for your area, so you’ve been spending most of your time outside with the cats. Occasionally, you’d go out for walks.

Tonight after dinner and a nice shower, you think it’s time to pick up your arcade stick and play some video games. Maybe that person you played with the last time is on.

You two exchanged Pesterchums. Theirs was something like timeausTestified.

Oh, looks like they’re online.

 

> **_\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --_ **
> 
> _TG: hey_
> 
> _TG: srry i’m getting to you like_
> 
> _TG: a week later_
> 
> _TG: been kinda busy lol_
> 
> _TT: Hey, no, it’s fine._
> 
> _TT: I’m assuming that you’re contacting me to play, correct?_
> 
> _TG: yea_
> 
> _TT: Give me a second._
> 
> _TG: k_

> **_timaeusTestified sent you a game invite._ **

You click on the notification and it sends you to the multiplayer menu of the game.

You both choose your characters and play a couple matches. This time, it’s more evenly matched. You’ve been practicing since the last time you went online because you want to beat this guy.

 

> _TT: You got better._
> 
> _TG: yea i kno_
> 
> _TG: been practicing_

You both play a couple matches without pause. By the end of the night, you’re in the lead by 3 wins.

 

> _TG: gg_
> 
> _TG: i’m heading in for the night_
> 
> _TG: it’s already like_
> 
> _TG: 4 in the morning_
> 
> _TT: Oh? It’s barely 10 P.M. here._
> 
> _TT: What country are you in?_
> 
> _TG: Scotland_
> 
> _TG: u?_
> 
> _TT: Texas._
> 
> _TT: Yes, Texas is a country._
> 
> _TG: lol i used to live in ny_
> 
> _TG: never been to texas tho_
> 
> _TG: anyway_
> 
> _TG: goodnight_
> 
> _TT: Goodnight._

You were about to shut off your computer before you remembered something.

 

> _TG: oh!_
> 
> _TG: before i go what’s ur name?_
> 
> _TT: Dirk. Dirk Strider._
> 
> _TG: ah_
> 
> _TG: i’m roxy lalonde_
> 
> _TG: nice to meet you dirk strider_
> 
> _TT: Likewise._
> 
> _TG: goodnight!_
> 
> **_\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --_ **

You shut off your computer and head to sleep.

 

* * *

 

For the next month, you start talking more and more to Dirk. After a week of talking to him, you can confidently say that you two are friends. And with the benefit of friendship comes more friends.

Dirk introduces you to two of his buddies, Jane Crocker and Jake English.

Jane is a sweet girl that lives in Washington. She really likes baking and pranks and she’s just really adorable. You two hit it off when you first talked. Maybe it was because you two were the only girls in this little group.

Jake, on the other hand, was a total dork. He lived on an island with his grandma, which fuels this thing for adventure that he has. He’s as dense as the jungles on his island, in a sort of endearing way. He has this thing for action and adventure and “cerulean beauties”, as he puts it.

Soon enough, you feel a strong connection with your three new friends. 


	3. First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some details, yehet.~  
> Things are going to start picking up pace.  
> More chatlogs are going to start appearing, yay.~

Inevitably, school was a thing that happened.

You have no idea what school here will be like, but you know that your old school was shit.

It was shit and you hated the whole system.

Then again, you hated school for other reasons as well.

You look at yourself in the mirror to see how you look in uniform. The last time you wore a uniform for school was when you were in middle school.

You had to wear a white shirt with the school emblem and a navy skirt.

It was nice, though. Now you don’t have to worry about what to wear to school.

 

* * *

 

Your mother had prepared a lunch for you the night prior since she knew that she was going to be out in the morning. She had packed it in your bag along with a map to the school.

You must have walked at least a dozen times to the school, half of them with your mom.

The school was grand and old, something that you’d see in the movies.

You were both excited and nervous for your first day, but you figured that if you kept pacing around nervously around your house, you’ll be late for school.

 

* * *

 

It took you about 15 minutes to get to your school. You were a bit early, so you decided to wander around campus. You’d be the new girl at school.

You hoped that you wouldn’t stand out too much and you worried that you wouldn’t stand out at all. Making friends in new schools was something you always dreaded.

You hear the bell ring and head to class.

 

* * *

 

At lunch, you were sitting alone in an area where you couldn’t see any other girl. You figured that everyone else was hanging around with their friends.

For now, you’d have to eat by yourself.

 

* * *

 

The first thing you did when you came home was boot up your laptop to see if anyone was on.

You smile when you see that Dirk was online. He was probably doing something stupid.

 

 

> **_\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] –_ **
> 
> _TG: hey_
> 
> _TG: dirk_
> 
> _TG: …_
> 
> _TG: dirk_
> 
> _TG: diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk_
> 
> _TG: DIRK_

He wasn’t replying.

That dick.

 

 

> _TG: i could be dying u know_
> 
> _TG: roxy lalonde reaches out to her friend in her last moments_
> 
> _TG: only to be ignored_
> 
> _TG: tragic_
> 
> _TT: Truly._
> 
> _TG: finally_
> 
> _TG: what took you so long?_
> 
> _TT: My Bro wanted me to do something real quick._
> 
> _TT: Were you about to have a heart attack or something?_
> 
> _TT: Quite tragic that I can’t leave you alone for too long or else you start dying._
> 
> _TT: The social creature known as Roxy Lalonde needs constant attention._
> 
> _TG: damn straight_
> 
> _TG: u know what else needs constant attention?_
> 
> _TG: steve’s ass in the avengers_
> 
> _TG: that shit is fiiiiiiiiine af_
> 
> _TT: Agreed._

Huh?

 

 

> _TG: lol_
> 
> _TG: u look at his ass?_
> 
> _TT: Of course. You can’t not appreciate his fine ass._
> 
> **_\-- timaeusTestified sent an image –_ **

You download it to see that it was a screen-cap of Captain America’s fine booty.

 

 

> _TG: tag your porn_
> 
> _TG: anyway_
> 
> _TG: if u dont mind me asking_
> 
> _TG: what are you?_
> 
> _TT: I’m human._
> 
> _TG: no u smartass_
> 
> _TG: im asking if youre gay_
> 
> _TT: Yes._
> 
> _TG: cool_

That was an interesting discovery.

 

 

> _TT: So how was school?_
> 
> _TG: i was the new girl so i was alone_
> 
> _TT: Hey, you’ll make friends._
> 
> _TG: eventually hopefully_
> 
> _TT: You will. No one will be able to resist your charm._
> 
> _TG: like you?_
> 
> _TT: Especially me._
> 
> _TT: Oh, Roxy. Catch me before I swoon to the floor._
> 
> _TG: *catches u*_
> 
> _TT: My hero._
> 
> _TT: In all seriousness, you’ll make friends._
> 
> _TT: You’re a nice girl, it’ll happen._
> 
> _TG: guess so_
> 
> _TG: so you wanna play some video games?_
> 
> _TT: Sure._
> 
> _TG: ill invite_

****

 

 

> **_Game invite sent!_ **

 

You two play for hours.

You only stop when you realize it was nearly midnight.

 

 

> _TG: gg_
> 
> _TG: im gonna sleep though_
> 
> _TG: goodnight!!_
> 
> _TT: Goodnight._
> 
> _TT: Good luck at school tomorrow._
> 
> _TG: thx_
> 
> **_\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --_ **

You sleep soon after.


	4. Friends

It took a while, but Roxy was finally able to make some friends.

During lunch she was approached by a girl who invited her to eat with her friends. It was really nice; they were all nice.

 

 

> _TT: I’m glad to hear that you had fun today._
> 
> _TG: yeah!!_
> 
> _TG: they were really nice omfg_
> 
> _TG: they told me i could hang with them whenever i wanted_
> 
> _TT: I told you that you were going to make friends soon._
> 
> _TG: yeah yeah_
> 
> _TG: hey u wanna video call?_
> 
> _TT: I’m kind of playing Portal 2._
> 
> _TG: but i thought u said we were gonna video call_
> 
> _TT: Sorry._
> 
> _TG: its okay_

Dirk stopped replying after that.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day in school wasn’t bad. You were actually invited to a friend’s house after school for a study session. Once there, though, they started goofing off. Veronica, the one that approached you first, suggested a game of Truth or Dare. It was exactly the kind of game that teenage girls would play at a party.

Who said you were complaining?

 

You didn’t get home until around 9, but when you did you grabbed a quick snack and you booted up your computer.

Jane tried to reach you.

 

> _GG: Roxy?_
> 
> _GG: Roxy are you home?_
> 
> _GG: Oh, phooey. :B_
> 
> _TG: hey janey_
> 
> _TG: srry i was out_
> 
> _TG: whats up?_

You take a moment to change into pajamas.

The computer flashes with new messages.

 

> _GG: Roxy!_
> 
> _GG: I was wondering if you’ve been talking to Jake as of late._
> 
> _TG: y is something wrong?_
> 
> _GG: No… not really._
> 
> _GG: I was just wondering!_
> 
> _TG: janey_
> 
> _TG: u dont_
> 
> _TG: “just wonder”_
> 
> _TG: whats up i smell something fishy_
> 
> _TG: and it aint the salmon my mom cooked_
> 
> _GG: Well…_
> 
> _GG: I’ve just been kind of…_
> 
> _GG: Kind of thinking, I guess._
> 
> _TG: thinking_
> 
> _TG: thinking of what_
> 
> _GG: I like Jake._

It takes you a while to respond.

 

> _TG: y didnt u say so earlier?_
> 
> _GG: Shucks, you think I’m going to say that all willy nilly?_
> 
> _TG: ur my bff 4 lyfe_
> 
> _TG: of course i think ur gonna tell me_
> 
> _GG: Well…_
> 
> _GG: Yeah, I guess so!_
> 
> _TG: now_
> 
> _TG: spill all the deets_

You stay up for a couple hours talking to Jane about the crush she’s been harboring for Jake until--

 

> _TT: Roxy._
> 
> _TG: das ma name dont wear it out_
> 
> _TT: Does Jane like Jake?_
> 
> _TG: wat_
> 
> _TT: Does Jane like Jake?_
> 
> _TG: that information is classified_
> 
> _TG: restricted access_
> 
> _TT: Just give me an answer._
> 
> _TG: y do u wanna know?_
> 
> _TT: Reasons._
> 
> _TG: reasons_
> 
> _TT: Reasons._
> 
> _TG: okay_
> 
> _TG: ill tell u_
> 
> _TG: ITS NONE OF UR BUSINESS_
> 
> _TG: not unless janey wants to tell u of course_

Once again there was no reply.

 

You stay up until midnight talking to Janey before you tell her that you have to go.

You have a lot to do tomorrow, after all.


	5. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yeah an update.~ Haven't done that in a while.

You can’t quite shake the idea that something is up with Dirk. Then again, something was always up with Dirk, but it wasn’t the usual. Sometimes he’d just stop replying mid-conversation until you sent him a message, and even after that, he’d just stop replying. You guessed that he was just busy.

Anyway, your focus at the moment is on this very important school project. You get to work with the little group of friends that you had made just a while back, and you’re grateful for that. Being paired up in a group where you don’t even know anyone is very distressing.

You all decided to meet up at Veronica’s house to start the project, and that was all cool with you until you found out that her boyfriend was going to be there. You don’t have anything against boyfriends or girlfriends, it just gets a bit uncomfortable when they’re making out just a couple feet away from you, or when you leave only for a minute and you come back to find them all over each other. It’s gross most of the time.

It wasn’t all too bad, though, considering that they mostly held hands and spoke to each other every once in a while. The guy, Bruno, was pretty nice, actually. You managed to talk to him for a bit, and you two found that you had a couple shared interests, like video games and programming computers.

By the end of the night, you were sort of sad that you had to go home, but you also wondered if anyone was trying to reach you while you were gone.

 

* * *

 

The first thing you do when you get to your room is hit the showers. You’d rather shower now than risk getting sick and having to miss school. Not that you’d mind missing school, though, just the fact that you miss work is what bugs you the most. As soon as you’re out, though, you start your computer and open Pesterchum up. It needed a moment to load before it finally alerted you of a couple messages.

 

 

 

> _GG: Roxy?_
> 
> _GG: You on?_

 

 

> _GT: Roxy?_
> 
> _GT: Oh i do hope youre on a chum really needs your assistance._
> 
> _GT: Ms lalonde?_

 

Nothing from Dirk.

It did interest you, though, that both Jane and Jake seem to need your help. Maybe it had to do with Jane’s little crush.

 

 

 

> _GG: You on?_
> 
> _TG: srry barely got home rn_
> 
> _TG: wats up tho?_
> 
> _TG: everything alright?_

 

 

> _GT: Ms lalonde?_
> 
> _TG: mr English_
> 
> _TG: nice to see you_
> 
> _TG: looking fine today as well_
> 
> _GT: Oh my._
> 
> _GT: Are we *loosens collar* engaging in flirtations?_
> 
> _TG: yes we are_
> 
> _TG: *wink wink*_

 

 

> _GG: Oh thank GOD you’re on!_
> 
> _GG: I was beginning to worry until I remembered the different time zones thing!_
> 
> _TG: yeah that’s a bitch sometimes_
> 
> _TG: anyway is everything alright?_

 

She kind of blew off your question the first time.

 

 

 

> _GG: Oh!_
> 
> _GG: Um, yeah, kinda…_
> 
> _TG: kinda?_
> 
> _GG: Well, you see…_

 

 

> _GT: Roxy i carry very important news._
> 
> _GT: But you must SWEAR on your LIFE that you wont tell a soul!_
> 
> _TG: yeah i promise_
> 
> _GT: Pinky promise._
> 
> _TG: pinky promise_
> 
> _TG: cross my heart and hope to die_
> 
> _GT: Very well then._
> 
> _GT: Since i cant think of another way to go about this ill just say it straight out._
> 
> _TG: go on_
> 
> _GT: You see…_

 

Oh shit Jane.

 

 

 

> _GG: I asked Jake out._
> 
> _GG: Roxy?_

 

 

> _GT:  Jane asked me out._

 

Well, this was certainly a nice turn of events.

 

 

 

> _GG: Roxy?_
> 
> _TG: holy shit_
> 
> _TG: hoooooooooooooly shit_
> 
> _TG: you did what now?_

 

 

> _GT: Jane asked me out._
> 
> _TG: and?_
> 
> _GT: And?_
> 
> _TG: what did you say?_

 

 

> _GG: I asked him out._
> 
> _TG:  what did he say?_

 

 

> _GT: Nothing._

 

 

> _GG: Nothing._

 

Seriously?

 

 

 

> _GT: Nothing._
> 
> _TG: what do you MEAN nothing?_

 

 

> _GG: Nothing._
> 
> _TG: what?_
> 
> _GG: He hasn’t replied._
> 
> _GG: I’m starting to think that he won’t reply._

 

 

> _GT: I dont know what to say…_
> 
> _TG: do you like her?_
> 
> _GT: Yes but i’m not sure if its in the same way she likes me._
> 
> _TG: oh_

 

 

> _GG: I’m starting to think that he won’t reply._
> 
> _TG: aw_
> 
> _TG: i’m sorry janey :(_
> 
> _GG: It’s okay, Rox._
> 
> _GG: Nothing you can do about it._

 

Except maybe force an answer out of him.

 

 

 

> _TG: oh_
> 
> _GT: Yeah…_
> 
> _GT: I think i’m just going to reply later when i have everything sorted._
> 
> _TG: yeah that’s a good idea too_
> 
> _TG: just don’t leave her hanging_
> 
> _TG: tell her you need time to think or something_
> 
> _TG: idfk_

 

You get up for a second to make sure Frigglish didn’t accidentally knock down a vase downstairs. When you come back, you see you have a reply from Jane.

 

 

 

> _GG: He told me he needs some time to think!_
> 
> _GG: What should I do?_
> 
> _TG: give him time_
> 
> _TG: i’m sure he’ll give you an answer by tomorrow_
> 
> _GG: Tomorrow?!_
> 
> _TG: whoops i forget it’s still morning for you_
> 
> _TG: an answer by tonight_
> 
> _TG: tomorrow for me_
> 
> _GG: Oh. I knew that._
> 
> _TG: of course you did._
> 
> _TG: anyway_
> 
> _TG: gotta head off already_
> 
> _TG: kinda really tired_
> 
> _GG: Aw, alright._
> 
> _GG: Sleep well, Rox._
> 
> _TG: thx you too ilu_

 

 

> _TG: ayo jake_
> 
> _TG: i’m retiring for the night_
> 
> _TG: don’t forget to answer her as soon as you can_
> 
> _GT: Cant forget to do that my dear._
> 
> _GT: I bid you a good night._
> 
> _TG: nighty night_


End file.
